Definitions

I love words. They're one of my favourite things. I'm not quite sure why they are but I have always had a fondness for them. I have a slight obsession with books as well which I'm assuming is where my love for words has come from. I love how some people are so, so talented when it comes to ordering words in such a way, that the end result is a beautiful, flowing sentence, which turns into a paragraph, which turns into a story that turns into a gorgeous, bound novel. 

I also love the dictionary. I can't remember ever being someone who has sat down for the purpose of reading the dictionary, but I would much rather find out the correct spelling for a word through use of a dictionary rather than the wee digital dictionary sitting at the bottom of my screen in the dock. I especially love our dictionary we've got here. It's falling apart like all fantastic, loved books should. When I finally move out, I'm taking it with me. I don't care how much my mum protests. (Just like I'm also leaving with her Edmonds cookbook, even though I got given a new hard covered one for my 21st. She doesn't know this either.)

What I love most about a dictionary isn't that it is filled with knowledge and words and generally consists of fantastic, thin pages (I do love those thin pages!), but it's the way the definitions are set out. I have absolutely no idea why this is either.. but I have always, always loved them.

So came into being, my epiphany. 

Instead of just listing all of the words that have been written onto my cancer portraits or trying to form them into some kind of story-like format, why don't I find the definitions of each word and make a list of them?? There's three pages altogether and they look pretty cool! Unfortunately I'm not skilled enough to teach myself how to manually resize images on here so I've just copied and pasted them so you can have a read. It's all of them. I didn't want to leave some out because I wouldn't know which ones not to show. Some of the definitions are actually quite lovely. When reading through them I realised that not every technical definition is exactly the same as what I thought it was (and probably the person who wrote them).

That's the end of my wee spiel. Have a wee read through them and maybe if you have some ideas on how I could display them, let me know :)

bold |bōld|

adjective

1 (of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous : a bold attempt to solve the crisis | he was the only one bold enough to air his dislike.

will ²

noun

• (also willpower) control deliberately exerted to do something or to restrain one's own impulses : a stupendous effort of will.

brave |brāv|

adjective

ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage : a brave soldier | he put up a brave fight before losing.

strong |strô ng |

adjective ( stronger |strô ng gər|, strongest |strô ng gist|)

2 able to withstand great force or pressure : cotton is strong, hard-wearing, and easy to handle.

• (of a person's constitution) not easily affected by disease or hardship.

healthy |ˈhelθē|

adjective ( healthier , healthiest )

in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.

neo-Nazi

noun ( pl. neo-Nazis )

a member of an organization similar to the German Nazi Party.

• a person of extreme racist or nationalist views.

alone |əˈlōn|

adjective & adverb

1 having no one else present; on one's own : [as predic. adj. ] she was alone that evening | [as adv. ] he lives alone.

• [as adj. ] isolated and lonely : she was terribly alone and exposed.

freedom |ˈfrēdəm|

noun

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint : we do have some freedom of choice | he talks of revoking some of the freedoms. See note at liberty .

lesbian |ˈlezbēən|

noun

a homosexual woman.

cult |kəlt|

noun

a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object : the cult of St. Olaf.

honest |ˈänist|

adjective

free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere : I haven't been totally honest with you.

white supremacy

noun

the belief that white people are superior to those of all other races, esp. the black race, and should therefore dominate society.

skinhead |ˈskinˌhed|

noun

a young person with close-cropped hair, often perceived as aggressive, violent, and racist, and having neo-Nazi tendencies.

cancer |ˈkansər|

noun

the disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body : he's got cancer | smoking is the major cause of lung cancer.

• a malignant growth or tumor resulting from such a division of cells : most skin cancers are curable.

 test ¹ |test|

noun

• an event or situation that reveals the strength or quality of someone or something by putting them under strain : this is the first serious test of the peace agreement.

liberated |ˈlibəˌrātid|

adjective

1 (of a person) showing freedom from social conventions or traditional ideas, esp. with regard to sexual roles : the modern image of the independent, liberated woman.

free |frē|

adjective ( freer |ˈfrēər|, freest |ˈfrēəst|)

1 not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes : I have no ambitions other than to have a happy life and be free | a free choice.

individual |ˌindəˈvijəwəl|

adjective

1 [ attrib. ] single; separate : individual tiny flowers.

journey |ˈjərnē|

noun ( pl. -neys)

an act of traveling from one place to another : she went on a long journey | figurative your journey through life.

alopecia |ˌaləˈpē sh (ē)ə|

noun Medicine

the partial or complete absence of hair from areas of the body where it normally grows; baldness.

A wee bit of research

These photographs were taken at the beginning of 2009. They're of me and they were the first project I did when I went back to a new class at Design and Arts College (D&A) after having to take a year off. Needless to say, showing these photos was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and that's definitely saying something because I've had to go through a LOT of hard things. I was so so nervous when I was doing my critique in front of 14 people I had only known for about 6 weeks.

 The images I displayed were put together in a David Hockney inspired way and had questions like "You don't think I have to put up with enough, without you starting too?", statements such as "Take your time staring at me while I can't see you" and words like "cancer", "leukaemia" and "different". I wanted the people viewing them to be awake of what it was they were doing and aware of how the person they're staring at would feel if they were doing it in person. At this time of my treatment, I was constantly aware of the elongated looks I would get from passersby (which as my Dad said to me, was fair enough because I didn't look normal, and they had to take their time deciding what was wrong with me etc), but it drove me mental. I would come home from the mall in the foulest mood, angry at everyone but also really hurt. I had to put up with so much crap with my treatment, and I couldn't even go out to the mall to try and get some normality back.

I felt amazing after I had displayed these though. I got some really great feedback and some of my classmates reported back to me the intense emotion they saw on people faces as they were standing, looking at them. One of my lovely classmates, Andrea said she thought I was incredibly brave (my Mum had said that too, but she's suppose to say things like that so hearing it from Andrea was awesome).

Abbey Proctor, 2009, A.L.L Me (3 of a series of 5) [digital photographic collage]

This assignment and time of my life was when my slight obsession with identity came into being, so I decided to drag the photographs out from the archives and use them in a wee project this year for my BFA study's. I printed four of the original photographs off on the Xerox at A3 size and accompanied them with a wee note asking "What is this person's story? Please feel free to write your theories and ideas on the photographs." I stuck them on the wall at D&A in the hope that the First-Third year photographers and fine artists would jump at the chance to interact with some artwork. I was mistaken. I went in a week after I put them on the wall and there were three ideas on them. I was slightly heartbroken to say the least, but my tutors came to the rescue and got their students to write on them. Bless.

So after the photographs being up for three weeks, this is what was on them. I was so excited when I picked them up from D&A yesterday morning.

Now finally, what this post is actually about: 

As one of the side projects I'm working on for my BFA at the moment, I'm going to pair the words that were so kindly written on the images, with a portrait of me now. I'm going to try and get the same lighting, facial expression and composition as the photo above. I'm undecided how exactly I will display the words, but at the moment I'm thinking I might set it out like a caption either below the image on the same page or displayed and framed separately to the photograph in the way of French photographer Sophie Calle. I want to create a confusion between the physical identity and the.. personality, I guess you could call it.. that is listed along side the portrait. I'm hoping it will turn out really interesting..