Portraits without a face, take two

Today I finally started working on an idea that I started playing around with, way back in February when I was in Auckland for the first week of study; Portraits without a face. Ever since then I've been meaning to expand on that idea and use more than one item of the individuals belongings so the photograph creates a slightly more detailed picture of what the person might be like.

I've decided 5 is a good number. I prefer odd numbers (even though even numbers are somehow prettier..) and I think 5 items might even be easier to set out aesthetically speaking, on the still life table I've borrowed from my wee lovely Daegan. So, I've asked people to give me 5 items that belong to them, items that they think define them. Whether they be some of their favourite things, things that are dear to their hearts or things that represent their hobbies etc.

Here's my first attempt: two slightly differing set ups of the same items.

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Anon I [digital photograph]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Anon I [digital photograph]

I quite like these aesthetically, but because I know the person whose belongings these are, I can't really tell if the idea is working how I want it to. I would really appreciate some feedback about these; whether they're working, what you take from the items in terms of the individual etc.

More still life

During a critique a few weeks ago when I took my broken plates and vases in to be critiqued, one of my class mates said that they possibly weren't as strong as they could be because they weren't sitting within a specific context. They were just plates on a white background. 

That comment helped a lot because I knew that they weren't quite working but couldn't figure out what exactly it was that wasn't working (being a stubborn artist, they were photographed and turned out exactly how I originally wanted them to look and I couldn't see past that).

So, today I revisited that Fragile robustness idea. 

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Fragile robustness IV [digital photograph]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Fragile robustness V [digital photograph]

I was a little reluctant at first as I wanted them to be purely a metaphor for the soul or self, but I finally decided that embracing the plates' original form (that being.. a plate) might be the best way to go about photographing them for a second time. So I sat them in this gorgeous wee plate / photo frame holder that sits on our coffee table in the lounge.

I haven't figured out why exactly these work a lot better than my first attempt, but I really think they do. I suppose that the 'holder' is, in a way holding the selves together so they don't fall apart? I still have some thinking to do in that area..

The reason behind the unbroken plate (or self) being added to the series plays with an idea I came up with while I was in Auckland a few weeks ago. The "whole" plate is a representation of a young, innocent self that has not yet been damaged enough by life to have broken, this is juxtaposed by the damaged plate, representing an older self that has been worn down by the harshness of life and is, in some parts, barely holding itself together.

I really love the way the two look when they are placed side by side.

But I'm not sure that the idea as a whole is strong enough to be taken further this year. At this stage these are just another series to add to my final body of work..

Definitions

I love words. They're one of my favourite things. I'm not quite sure why they are but I have always had a fondness for them. I have a slight obsession with books as well which I'm assuming is where my love for words has come from. I love how some people are so, so talented when it comes to ordering words in such a way, that the end result is a beautiful, flowing sentence, which turns into a paragraph, which turns into a story that turns into a gorgeous, bound novel. 

I also love the dictionary. I can't remember ever being someone who has sat down for the purpose of reading the dictionary, but I would much rather find out the correct spelling for a word through use of a dictionary rather than the wee digital dictionary sitting at the bottom of my screen in the dock. I especially love our dictionary we've got here. It's falling apart like all fantastic, loved books should. When I finally move out, I'm taking it with me. I don't care how much my mum protests. (Just like I'm also leaving with her Edmonds cookbook, even though I got given a new hard covered one for my 21st. She doesn't know this either.)

What I love most about a dictionary isn't that it is filled with knowledge and words and generally consists of fantastic, thin pages (I do love those thin pages!), but it's the way the definitions are set out. I have absolutely no idea why this is either.. but I have always, always loved them.

So came into being, my epiphany. 

Instead of just listing all of the words that have been written onto my cancer portraits or trying to form them into some kind of story-like format, why don't I find the definitions of each word and make a list of them?? There's three pages altogether and they look pretty cool! Unfortunately I'm not skilled enough to teach myself how to manually resize images on here so I've just copied and pasted them so you can have a read. It's all of them. I didn't want to leave some out because I wouldn't know which ones not to show. Some of the definitions are actually quite lovely. When reading through them I realised that not every technical definition is exactly the same as what I thought it was (and probably the person who wrote them).

That's the end of my wee spiel. Have a wee read through them and maybe if you have some ideas on how I could display them, let me know :)

bold |bōld|

adjective

1 (of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous : a bold attempt to solve the crisis | he was the only one bold enough to air his dislike.

will ²

noun

• (also willpower) control deliberately exerted to do something or to restrain one's own impulses : a stupendous effort of will.

brave |brāv|

adjective

ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage : a brave soldier | he put up a brave fight before losing.

strong |strô ng |

adjective ( stronger |strô ng gər|, strongest |strô ng gist|)

2 able to withstand great force or pressure : cotton is strong, hard-wearing, and easy to handle.

• (of a person's constitution) not easily affected by disease or hardship.

healthy |ˈhelθē|

adjective ( healthier , healthiest )

in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.

neo-Nazi

noun ( pl. neo-Nazis )

a member of an organization similar to the German Nazi Party.

• a person of extreme racist or nationalist views.

alone |əˈlōn|

adjective & adverb

1 having no one else present; on one's own : [as predic. adj. ] she was alone that evening | [as adv. ] he lives alone.

• [as adj. ] isolated and lonely : she was terribly alone and exposed.

freedom |ˈfrēdəm|

noun

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint : we do have some freedom of choice | he talks of revoking some of the freedoms. See note at liberty .

lesbian |ˈlezbēən|

noun

a homosexual woman.

cult |kəlt|

noun

a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object : the cult of St. Olaf.

honest |ˈänist|

adjective

free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere : I haven't been totally honest with you.

white supremacy

noun

the belief that white people are superior to those of all other races, esp. the black race, and should therefore dominate society.

skinhead |ˈskinˌhed|

noun

a young person with close-cropped hair, often perceived as aggressive, violent, and racist, and having neo-Nazi tendencies.

cancer |ˈkansər|

noun

the disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body : he's got cancer | smoking is the major cause of lung cancer.

• a malignant growth or tumor resulting from such a division of cells : most skin cancers are curable.

 test ¹ |test|

noun

• an event or situation that reveals the strength or quality of someone or something by putting them under strain : this is the first serious test of the peace agreement.

liberated |ˈlibəˌrātid|

adjective

1 (of a person) showing freedom from social conventions or traditional ideas, esp. with regard to sexual roles : the modern image of the independent, liberated woman.

free |frē|

adjective ( freer |ˈfrēər|, freest |ˈfrēəst|)

1 not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes : I have no ambitions other than to have a happy life and be free | a free choice.

individual |ˌindəˈvijəwəl|

adjective

1 [ attrib. ] single; separate : individual tiny flowers.

journey |ˈjərnē|

noun ( pl. -neys)

an act of traveling from one place to another : she went on a long journey | figurative your journey through life.

alopecia |ˌaləˈpē sh (ē)ə|

noun Medicine

the partial or complete absence of hair from areas of the body where it normally grows; baldness.

A wee bit of research

These photographs were taken at the beginning of 2009. They're of me and they were the first project I did when I went back to a new class at Design and Arts College (D&A) after having to take a year off. Needless to say, showing these photos was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and that's definitely saying something because I've had to go through a LOT of hard things. I was so so nervous when I was doing my critique in front of 14 people I had only known for about 6 weeks.

 The images I displayed were put together in a David Hockney inspired way and had questions like "You don't think I have to put up with enough, without you starting too?", statements such as "Take your time staring at me while I can't see you" and words like "cancer", "leukaemia" and "different". I wanted the people viewing them to be awake of what it was they were doing and aware of how the person they're staring at would feel if they were doing it in person. At this time of my treatment, I was constantly aware of the elongated looks I would get from passersby (which as my Dad said to me, was fair enough because I didn't look normal, and they had to take their time deciding what was wrong with me etc), but it drove me mental. I would come home from the mall in the foulest mood, angry at everyone but also really hurt. I had to put up with so much crap with my treatment, and I couldn't even go out to the mall to try and get some normality back.

I felt amazing after I had displayed these though. I got some really great feedback and some of my classmates reported back to me the intense emotion they saw on people faces as they were standing, looking at them. One of my lovely classmates, Andrea said she thought I was incredibly brave (my Mum had said that too, but she's suppose to say things like that so hearing it from Andrea was awesome).

Abbey Proctor, 2009, A.L.L Me (3 of a series of 5) [digital photographic collage]

This assignment and time of my life was when my slight obsession with identity came into being, so I decided to drag the photographs out from the archives and use them in a wee project this year for my BFA study's. I printed four of the original photographs off on the Xerox at A3 size and accompanied them with a wee note asking "What is this person's story? Please feel free to write your theories and ideas on the photographs." I stuck them on the wall at D&A in the hope that the First-Third year photographers and fine artists would jump at the chance to interact with some artwork. I was mistaken. I went in a week after I put them on the wall and there were three ideas on them. I was slightly heartbroken to say the least, but my tutors came to the rescue and got their students to write on them. Bless.

So after the photographs being up for three weeks, this is what was on them. I was so excited when I picked them up from D&A yesterday morning.

Now finally, what this post is actually about: 

As one of the side projects I'm working on for my BFA at the moment, I'm going to pair the words that were so kindly written on the images, with a portrait of me now. I'm going to try and get the same lighting, facial expression and composition as the photo above. I'm undecided how exactly I will display the words, but at the moment I'm thinking I might set it out like a caption either below the image on the same page or displayed and framed separately to the photograph in the way of French photographer Sophie Calle. I want to create a confusion between the physical identity and the.. personality, I guess you could call it.. that is listed along side the portrait. I'm hoping it will turn out really interesting..

End of year exhibition

This is my wee press release for our end of year exhibition. We had to do one each for an assignment as part of our Arts and Marketing workshop we had up in Auckland last week. I'll tweak it when we know for definite where are it is going to be held, and what the name is. But for how, this is it..

Self

A good few months ago now, I was looking in the Technical Bookshop in Riccarton on Clarence Street by the mall. I went in looking for some of those 1960's Vogue mags (completely the wrong place for that kind of thing) but I did find a book on identity and the self which I thought was quite interesting. It's called 'The Ego Trick - What does it mean to be you?' by Julian Baggini. It sort of sounds like a terrible self help book but it's really not. Baggini is founding editor of Philosopher's Magazine (personally, I've never heard of it but it sounds pretty interesting) and in the book talks to theologians, priests and lamas as well as neurologists and psychologists to get different takes on what the self is. I'm almost half way through reading it and I'm loving it. It is so interesting!

Anyway. Through reading this I've had lots of different ideas that kind of illustrate some of the ideas said in the book, but are also kind of metaphorical. One particular paragraph really stood out to me:

"So what could explain the strange combination of fragility and robustness that characterises the self?

The answer is perhaps that the fragility is the strength. A pearl may be hard and distinct, but smash it and it's utterly destroyed. A composite or amalgam, on the other hand, is of it's nature a collection of things. That means items can come and go, or be damaged, without necessarily terminally destroying the character of the whole."

That is quite possibly one of my favourite paragraphs I have ever read. How he has worded it is so beautiful.

With this idea in mind, I broke things. I smashed a few plates and a couple of vases; things that are both fragile but strong at the same time. We know that if a plate or vase is dropped, it will smash, however when they are doing what they're suppose to do, they're strong. After completely ruining and breaking the structure of these things, I put the pieces back together, but some pieces were missing or ended up being slightly mismatched, however the original structure and purpose of the items is still able to be seen. They are broken entities, but are still able to function as their original selves.

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Fragile robustness I [digital photograph]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Fragile robustness II [digital photograph]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Fragile robustness III [digital photograph]

More collage

These collages have been put together using images from a book filled with 10 years of Harper's Bazaar photographs. When I started playing around with these photographs, it seemed like my work should be heading towards an appropriation/found photographs road and for some reason I wanted to use fashion photographs. Originally I went hunting for old 1960's Vogue magazines but was not successful. These images explore the same idea as my earlier collages; the act of identifying an individual is similar to that of piecing together a jigsaw puzzle. However after working with these collages for a few weeks, I realised they were starting to become a critique of the media and were going down a feminist road due to almost all of the photographs being of women. I didn't want that so I decided to reevaluate and redirect my work away from collage, although I do think a lot of the images worked really well and said what it was I wanted them to say..

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Triangle [collage]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Shift [collage]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Blue dots [collage]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Double face [collage]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Mismatched [collage]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Facial shift [collage]

Abbey Proctor, 2011, Triangle and dots [collage]